10 SCENES of a “Girls Trip to Napa Valley” Wine Country Movie FAILED to Deliver:
A “Girls Trip to Wine Country” simply wouldn’t be complete without a random combination of the following...
1. Slurring. The girls weren’t “drunk” enough in the movie to be believable. Too much sober dialogue as if they were walking through Central Park vs drinking wine in Napa Valley. Not that we want a full feature film of drunky dialect but marble mouth is inevitable and a sure sign you have been Wine Country’d. For the sake of authenticity, there simply wasn’t enough swaying and holding each other upright to accurately depict the natural habitat of girls on the loose in Napa Valley. Listen to the chatter amongst a gaggle of girls in a tasting room or in the restroom and it is easy to see this scenario is part of the scenery. To be fair, there was one singing slur scene that came close but they could have taken it to the max for comedy sake. Usually locals have mastered the art of the “Irish Goodbye” or the keeping the wheels on just long enough to contain the slur for a more private locale with more wine of course, or straight-up bedtime at 8:15 pm. Drunky Talk FAIL.
2. Crying. There is always crying. Someone cries at some point and usually a second cryer cries along with cryer number one, commonly paired with hugging crying, laughing crying and lots of “I love you’s” and black tears. Typically, it is a public event which can take place in any restaurant, during the middle of the day, centrally located in a well-lit tasting room, in the vines during a tour...or wherever else the wheels decide to come of... with no restrictions whatsoever. Opportunity for drama and comedy. Like full blown running mascara tears and ugly crying. Major FAIL.
3. Peeing. Someone in the group will become desperate to pee and often times there is a vineyard nearby. It happens. Not that this is ok but, come on a pee scene, especially in the “organic vineyard” would have been hysterical! Opportunity MISSED.
4. Shots. With a couple of tastings down it is completely rational. Misbehaving and drinking bootlegged bottles of whatever on the tour bus between winery stops is always necessary when you have all your besties together in Wine Country. We all know this happens and even the locals are guilty haha! You know who you are… Why did they choose that particular bus anyway? It isn’t a common tour bus in Napa Valley. The more authentic “official pimp ride” in Napa Valley is a Sprinter! With a bar inside...and sometimes even a stripper pole, come on guys! AMAZING opportunity for comedy. FAIL
5. Stumbling. The locals can always spot a tourist by their shoes and wobbly walk. Even high wedges can be cumbersome on your third wine tour of the day. Locals are savvy on flats...due to experience. A twisted ankle. A funny stumble into a pool? Wobbly FAIL.
6. The Sleeper. Someone crashes hard, like out-of-gas-this-car-can-go-no-mo style. Someone sleeps on the bus or even will tuck themselves into a cool, dark corner for a little cat nap in a winery, or just a quick head down at the restaurant while waiting for the salad that will absolutely not absorb any alcohol consumed in the foreseeable future. Yes, that sentence was a run on. Naptime on the table FAIL.
7. The Barfer. It happens when people who go from maybe a 2-3 glasses of wine per week in normal life to 2-3 bottles of wine per day, mixed in with bubbles, cocktails and shots in between wineries on the tour bus! Come on where was the Porcelain God Worship scene?! A girls trip in Napa Valley without a Barfer? Especially in a movie? FAIL.
8. Drunk Dancing. Wherever. More music + more drunk dancing = opportunity for comedy. Usually someone ties their skirt up in a knot to really get that twerk. Drunk Dancing at Ana’s Cantina or at Pancha’s (where even celebrities not filming movies go) would have been absolutely classic and extremely authentic. HUGE MISSED opportunity.
9. The Hangover. Locals are very into the “hair of the dog” Bloody Mary. Where was the Brunch Scene? Brunch. Always Sunday Brunch to recap, piece together details and have a laugh. It’s a thing in Napa Valley. Very important. And an opportunity for more character funnies while showcasing an essential part of the Wine Country culture.
10. Late Night Grub. McDonalds, really? Based on their location in Calistoga, we know that the only McDonalds is a thirty minute drive down to Napa or a thirty minute drive over the hill to Santa Rosa. Neither of which are an option after drinking all day. In Napa Valley it would have been more believable and funny if they pooled their cash to demand that chef come to the house at some ungodly hour to make them tacos...or maybe even finish that goddamn paella. In Napa Valley cash can buy almost any absurd whim visitors want to manifest. Late night tacos and drunk dancing with crying; this is what we call #extrafancy #totallynormal #napalife. Foodie FAIL.
The cast and crew spent a long chunk of time in Napa Valley filming this movie, it is surprising and disappointing that they missed so many classical opportunities to insert comedy and showcase real scenes of what it’s like to visit and live in Napa Valley. To be honest, they should have just kept the cameras rolling once they were done filming and they would have naturally captured a brilliant comedy of women on hiatus in Wine Country. All in all, it is still worth watching the movie on Netflix, it’s free...and a great excuse to pop a bottle of your favorite Napa Valley Cabernet!
If you have never been to Wine Country, it is not stylish or funny to act as utterly rude as they were in some of these scenes to the hospitality professionals who dedicate their lives to their expertise. Be kind. Buy at least one bottle every stop, especially if your tasting is comped. Tip your driver, server, bartender, wine host and thank those who are there to help make your experience special. These professionals already know how easily the wheels can come off in this exciting play land of wine and it is their passion to anticipate your needs before you even realize you have them. Be kind and have a blast!